At Home with the Kids

It is very rare in my life that I make a choice that I am not conflicted about in some way or another. I was conflicted about being a Teach for America corps member, about being a teacher, about working for a for-profit educational company, about working for Teach for America, and now about the choice to stay at home. Except this time it is different. I love almost everything about what I do except what it is called and what it means in a broader social context.

A couple of experiences I have had recently have fueled this feeling and even inspired some self-doubt. For one, Norah's pediatrician whose opinion I respect thinks that it is almost unnatural for children to be at home with their mothers at all times. He looks to traditional societies for answers to many parenting questions--toddlers of hunters and gatherers stayed in large groups with other children while their mothers gathered food for the tribe. Additionally, according to Dr. Joel, Norah and Harvey need to see me pursuing other interests outside of them. Hmmmm..... I have also overheard pretty disparaging remarks lately about mothers who choose to stay home with their children.

Rationally, I can work through the conflicts by telling myself, for instance, that offspring of hunters and gatherers likely stayed with aunts or grandmothers. Or that I do pursue other interests--I read, write, craft, take time to myself while family members are with the kids. I can turn around the insulting remarks and ask, to myself, what is it about one's own life choices that makes one utter such statements?

Most of my moments are filled with a confidence that I ultimately know what is best for me, for my kids, and for my family in general. Despite what doctors might say, I know that my daughter needs to be at home with me right now rather than in a school, if even for one day a week. I also know that I could never match the feeling of deep satisfaction i feel after a day's "work" with a job, no matter how meaningful that work might be. And I say all of this with an appreciation and respect for other mothers (and fathers) whose choices are different than my own.

So, in the context of my own home and within my own close circle of family and friends, I warmly embrace my station in life, my choice to be with my kids. I know that there are some trade-offs and I have to work to compensate for those things--my kids do need to spend time around other children in playgroups, for example, and I need to ensure that they have a happy, healthy, well-rounded female role model. I am working hard to make up our losses here, Now I need to work harder on taking one or two brave steps outside of my circle, outside of my home and into the world with a little more confidence about my life choices. Make sense?