Today...

was one of those days that I would like to do over, or delete, or edit out, or forget about entirely.  I tried to do too much and wasn't good to my children or myself.  After yelling at my four year old, I apologized by saying, "Mama is in a really grumpy mood today."  And from the background, my three year old, focused on his drawing, said without looking up, "Oh yeah she is." And then we laughed, a lot.  Tomorrow is a few hours away.

10 Simple Things I Love

Annie tagged me so here it goes...
{lollipops}
{reading}
just got this one and this one for the kids
and still reading this one

{this music}
{lemongrass essential oil}
{painting}
took some time to do this by myself the other day, I wasn't sure what was going to come of it, just me, my emotion, and some watercolors

{this tea}
{my koala bear)

{this blog}
{my husband at home}
{this color for my son's room}

January 1

in 2010, I want to
{stay connected with friends}
{knit something for myself}
{finish that sweater for Brian}
{take a photography class}
{meditate}
{continue meal planning}
{eat more veggies}
{eat less at night and more during the day}
{breathe}
{be authentic, always, despite the consequences}
{garden}
{blog more}
{run}
{stay put}
{drink more water}
{go camping with the kids}
{go to a fiber festival}
{spend time in upstate NY}
{and again, stay connected}
{look presentable}
{entertain}

Candlelight and The Kiddos

We had one of those days a few weeks ago--Dada was out of town and had been out of town for days, it was rainy, we were sick, we were tired, we were grumpy and we had the evening ahead of us. I had a flash of brilliance (motivated by sheer desperation and a dining room table that was doubling as a sewing station!)--a candlelight dinner for three (+1 on a play mat and several dollies) in the playroom. We dined on leftover pasta, drank wine (water with lemon and ice), and amused ourselves quite nicely.

It was actually just what we needed on this particular day--a jolt to our system, a slight change in our routine but in keeping with our rhythm. There are times when it is so clear to me how to "save the day." There are other times when it is clear to me but I simply do not have the energy or the patience or the stamina to turn around a day that is headed south. And there are still other times when I truly have no idea except to hold me breath until bed time and look forward to a better tomorrow. Here's to more candlelight dinners and kiddos.

Settling In (Sort Of)

Our stuff arrived about a week ago to our new (temporary) home in Montclair and we have begun the process of settling back in to our new (old) town. A trip to the farmer's market last Saturday made me feel even more back.

Funny how life throws you those curve balls. i can remember opening day of the Montclair Farmer's Market last year--I was happy to be there and sad that it would be one of my last trips to it. And last week, there I was, returned from Portland, a changed yet still very much the same person, buying my sausage and eggs and my spinach from my favorite vendors again this year.
What a funny life it is.

Catch You On The Flip Side

I am going to be absent from this little space, my cyberspace home, for the next week or so as we transition from our West Coast home to our East Coast home, and I will be back in full as soon as possible.

Mothers Day Gifts

I knew that I wanted to make our Mother's Day Gifts this year, but I just didn't know what to make. It had to be something simple and versatile as the gift would go to three very different mothers in our lives--my own Mama, my Aunt Donna, and Brian's mom. In the end, I decided to sew up some handkerchiefs from my new favorite book, Linen, Cotton, Wool. I embroidered the first letter of each of their names on the kerchiefs, had the kids paint the cards, and added some dried lavender for effect. The embroidery isn't perfect as I am new to that sport (and neither is the sewing for that matter), but hopefully they will be loved nonetheless.

Remains of the Day

: half-eaten take out salad:
: half-knit "Christmas" sweater, likely partially unraveled, strewn about:
: picnic for "Grandma" still waiting to be eaten:
: one child's dinner still on the table:
: other's child's dinner in the sink, amongst other things:
: last minute grocery buys by the front door waiting to be unloaded:

and this pregnant lady is rolling herself upstairs to bed...

Loose Ends

I have some projects that have been hanging on around here a long, a very long time and my goal is to complete them before we make the big transition back to Montclair. Today, my sewing machine woke up from its long winter's nap. I had a huge, ugly pile of clothes sitting next to my desk in our office, clothes just waiting for me to add a button, fix a rip, mend a seam. Some of them waited too long--the 18-24 months pants of H's are sadly way too small, but I fixed them anyways as this new little one might just wear them. I dreaded this chore for months, and after one short, enjoyable hour, the eye soar is gone, I have a now "new" pair of old pants that I had forgotten about, Brian can wear his cords again, and I can take that off of my long list of thing to "get done" before our departure. Other items on the list include finishing a couple of Christmas presents (originally for last year), getting some of those half read books off my nightstand so that I can add some more books to read half-way, and a blanket. Here I go...

My Nighttime Activities

Each night, I sit down on my couch at around 7:30 and I remain there until 9 or 9:30. Nothing monumental gets accomplished during this time but it is the only time that I really nourish myself. Tonight, I entertained myself with the following:

Robert Thurman On Buddhism

Project Linus Security Blanket from Knitting for Peace

Martha Stewart's Lastest Living

Focus on the Now

There are so many many events upcoming in our lives right now (a visit from family, some visits to friends and family, a move away from, a move to, a settling in, a new baby) that I am finding it hard to stay present and to enjoy the moments happening right now. The coming spring, my active children and this post are all reminders to revel in the present. Soule's post has inspired me.

Right now, I am


bemoaning the dying of the first spring flowers.

loving Seastar Community Acupuncture. Catherine Lowe, my acupuncturist and a certified midwife, is so attentive to my needs and very receptive to any questions that I may have. She and my midwife Linda Glenn have provided me with medical care that has surpassed any of my expectations. I have renewed faith in my body and mind--as corny as it sounds, it is true.

dreaming of the chicken coop that we are going to build in our new backyard (not really in the now, but still so much fun to think about)

eating Starburst candies by the handful (your fault, Aunt Donna!)

feeling kick, kick, kick

Some Time

Many, many weeks Brian spent away from us. Too many weeks. Too much time on planes. Too little sleep. We are coming back now. We are coming back.

A Bit of Healing

Amazing how my mind can take me far, far away from where I need to be the most--in the present and amongst my children. What fun we had today! Just a couple of moments of "presentness" from me and our whole evening transformed. We put on some music, Follow Me, got out the silks that I dyed for Christmas (which have been lying dormant for months now), and made me believe that we were going to Grandma's house through the forest and with a basket full of food.

I have been getting some help with this "presentness" in the latest book that I am reading: Buddhism for Mothers. Life has taken me too far away from my life and I am ready to get back to it. This book has some pretty effective strategies for letting go of painful thoughts and just being.

The beginnings of Spring around these parts (albeit rainy beginnings) are helpful in this as well. There are daffodils, cherry blossoms,and crocuses rearing up all over our world. And. we. are loving. them.


Oh! And we are all getting pretty excited about the newest addition coming to us in early July--right smack dab in the middle of the summer. Oh yes, finally a summer baby.

Corners of My Home

I think this is one of my favorite spots in our house right now. I like the mustard color of the walls; the plum prints we got in Holland at the Rummikub competition remind me of my grandmother; and the grey nightstand (a grossly overpriced purchase from Anthropologie), even though my love of it is somewhat depreciated by Brian's complaints about its price, can make me smile when I am sad. I try to keep flowers in this corners, but flowers die around me, no matter how hard I try.

Weekly Rhythm

I have been trying to bring some order into our rather disorderly lives as of late. Laundry piles, daily runs to the grocery store, uneaten food in the refirgerator, unfiled paperwork. I am not naturally an organized nor orderly person. In fact, I rather thrive in chaos and last-minuteness. My best college papers were always written just hours before they were due--papers that were started in advance were usually chucked at the last minute for much more inspired writing. However, being at home with two toddlers has made me appreciate a more predictable, orderly existence. Consequently, I have gradually been introducing some more structure to my week (not simply to their days) so that I can ensure that all things get done that need to be done, and if they don't get done, at least I am aware of it. I started with a couple of laundry days per week, then I added a paperwork day, and a cleaning day... As crazy as all of this sounds, I really love knowing what I need to do in a particular day and, at the end of the day, i sit down with a real sense of satisfaction, instead of feeling listless and confused. Well, just not completely listless and confused... I mean I still look for my keys and my phone at least four or five times a day. Some things will never change.

Corner of My Home

There is a flickr devoted to pictures of cozy spaces in homes around the world. Given the domestic feelings I am having right now, I am fascinated and inspired by the Corners of My Home pictures. One of my favorite spots in my own home right now is the new shelf (new to us, purchased at an antique store last weekend) housing my knitting supplies in the office. It was originally intended for Norah's room, but I found it just too irresistible...

Nesting

Instead of writing about my horrific week, I am going to try to refocus on what is making me happy in this moment. Home. Domesticity. Cool outside and warm inside. Slippers. Snoring Stormy. Winter knits. Gerda Muller's Autumn.

Over the past few weeks, I have put a lot of thought into our home--not jut what should go where nor just what needs to be cleaned and how--but real thought into making this temporary home of our a very cozy, very warm, very comfortable place to be. The house itself is a cozy one already. There is a cast iron stove in the living room which generates a good amount of heat and the living room walls are painted warm colors. I even made N and H a pair of cozy slippers to wear around our cozy, warm house. Sadly, Norah won't give them a second look, and they don't have any tread on them so Harvey can not remain upright for over five minutes on our all hardwood floors. These were a definite miss. At least they look sweet in the wicker basket next to the cast iron stove...

In keeping with the domestic theme of life lately, I have fallen in love with the book A House Blessing by Welleran Poltarnees. I found it in the used children's books section at a local bookstore and passed over it initially for fear of what might be inside of it. But then I gave it a chance. It's filled with vintage pictures of domestic life and the words that accompany those pictures give life to exactly what I have been trying to capture in our own house here in this strange, foreign land. "May the strength of its walls make you safe, keeping peace within and trouble without; but through its open windows and doors let nature come." I think my heart beats just a little softer every time I read it.