January 29

Each day this week was filled with trying moments. I am coping (or not coping) on very little sleep, and little H, our middle child, has solidly entered the threes. There have been lot of tears (from him and from me), lots of shrieking (from both of us)--general unrest has been with us as a near constant companion this week. In the midst of it, though, there has also been some beauty. Some moments alone, some moments together.

I had the chance to spend time with each child this week separate of the others, and, I tell you, it felt like such a gift. While N was in school, H played beside me while his brother slept and I folded a literal mountain of laundry. He somersaulted over and through my unfolded (and folded) clothes, he twinkled and he tumbled. I just soaked up the sweetness of this middle child. Later that day, N, while her brothers were sleeping, ironed with me. Juxtaposed with the time I just had with H, this was a different kind of moment, but beautiful nonetheless. There was more purpose, more talking, more figuring out, less bouncing and flinging. Less spice more heartiness. And then there was the littlest--his peacefulness is almost startling to me at times. We just stare and stare at each other. So much of it is still just falling in love. Over and over and over.

January 27: Wednesday Reviews

This week I have been dabbling in a few books, one on child development, another on home design, and I end each night reading about a famous chef's kitchen in Great Kitchens.

In our renovation, my husband and I are trying to keep it really simple-- we don't want a lot of cabinetry, we don't need or want a subzero refrigerator or a Viking range; we want a warm place for our children, our family, and our friends to gather. Lots of wood, hanging pots, utensils stored around the stove, some movable furniture, etc... There are some fantastic ideas in this book though. One of the chefs spotlighted is Alice Waters. She has a wood burning stove that would be incredible to have. Not sure what one does with a wood burning stove (and clearly I am not a candidate for one given my inability to cook oatmeal in a slow cooker) but wow does it look cozy. There are kitchens that are, in my opinion, over done and kitchens that are so rustic they might have existed hundreds of years ago in this book. I am enjoying my nightly reading about kitchens more than I ever thought I would.

January 25: At Night

My husband travels about 8-10 nights out of the month. That means that 2-3 days each week I spend alone. I mean, well, alone in the a four year old, a three year old, and a six month old with one mama kind of way. During those days, I try to take in the small moments and many times throughout a day I can. There are also many times that I am just biding my time until they fall asleep and I can sit and sit and sit. I especially enjoy the quietness of the evenings when B is here, when we can just be together in our quietness or in our conversation. Much of the time we have a Netflix documentary playing, hopefully one compelling enough to bring me out of my nighttime stupor. We just watched this one and I am half way through this one at the moment. Then there are nights when B is on the road and here I am. There is something almost sacred to me about the nights I spent alone in this house with my three sleeping babies. Tonight especially. The stillness, the breathing, my tea and the darkness.

***

On another note, my slow cooked oatmeal for the Monday Cooking Challenge was a Tuesday morning disaster. It was a thick brown soup resembling oatmeal only in smell. I am going to try this one again, just have to research what went wrong

January 24: Monday Cooking Challenge

My Monday Cooking Challenge for this week is reflective of the week we have had. There has not been much cooking going on around here (or eating for that matter). Chinese one night, canned soup another, sandwiches on Friday. We have the sickness that won't go away.

I was planning on making tilapia with a seasoning that Earthmama recommended a couple of weeks ago, but, alas, a fish dish was not in the cards for this week.

Instead, I made (or am making right now rather) oatmeal in the slow cooker. I know, not much of a challenge for this week, but it is all I have the energy for and I have always wanted to make it. I LOVE oatmeal in the morning but I don't love how long it takes to make. My little ones wake up extremely hungry and we are likely to start the day off with a tantrum if I do not get up extra early to make it (and this often involves a tantrum of some sort on my part--I am not a morning person).

So we are al going to have a little something warm waiting for us tomorrow morning. I will report back tomorrow.

Here is what I added to the slow cooker:
{handful of dried blueberries}
{2 cups oats}
{7 cups water}
{I cup milk}
{Pinch of salt}

Join Young Ones, Whirliegig, Chicken Counting, Once Upon a Parent, Musings on the Simple Life and Earth Mama us for the Monday Meal Challenge.

January 24: Quotable Sunday

"Housework is regarded as scut work, couples argue over who has to do it, and somehow cooking has gotten tarred with the same brush. However you feel about housework, keep in mind that cooking is nurturing. Whoever gets to do the cooking gets the best job."
Ellyn Salter
Child of Mine

January 23: Wet on Wet Watercolor Painting

Before we came down with this terrible flu (which kept me away form the computer yesterday--darn I missed a day in January!), we tried our hand at wet on wet watercolor painting. I did some reading about this technique in Heaven on Earth a few months ago and wanted to learn a little bit more about it before experimenting with the kids. I ordered Painting with Children and there it sat on my bookshelf until a rainy January afternoon.
In Heaven on Earth, Sharifa Oppenheimer suggests introducing colors individually and using only primary colors for young children. I tried to only bring out red but the kiddos caught a glimpse of the blue in waiting, a tantrum was ensuing, and this is exactly what I was trying to avoid on this particular afternoon so out came the blue. Because we have already done much painting with tempura paints, neither N nor H was used to the softness of this experience with water and color.
While it took her some time to settle in to the painting, N ultimately enjoyed it, pushing her brush back and forth across the paper, lightly and then with more force. H, who enjoys artistic activities for only a short amount of time, spent more time with his work. The larger size of the brush was good for his small hands. I also purchased some good quality watercolor paper for the venture; the stuff is worth eery penny. I am looking forward to trying this again with the kids this week...

January 21: Homemade Bath

A few days ago Heather at Shivaya Naturals posted about a spa day that she and some of her friends put together. It was a timely post for me because our whole family (now including me) has been sick for over a week. We have high fevers, deep coughs, lots of mucus, and other not so pleasant symptoms. Because I am trying to stay away from Tylenol these days but still want to ease the discomfort of a fever, I have been looking for alternatives.

While N and H were coloring their shrinky dinks (do you remember these?) this afternoon, I mixed some epsom salts, dried lavender, and Eucalyptus oil together and then put my aching daughter in the bath. I don't know of it was the salt, the warm water, a change of scenery, or all of the above, but she looked and felt much better.
Normally when we are being invaded by illness in this house, I do not take the time to actually think, rather I just put my head down and do. Today I tried to breathe through the crying children and, instead of running to put out the next fire, I took moments here and there to zoom out, make changes. I would zoom back in almost immediately, get lost in the dizziness, run from the refrigerator, to the clorox wipes, to the bathroom, to the bedroom, and then back again, but those moments with me and my breath-they were my anchor.

January 20: Wednesday Reviews

I ordered The Family at Home a couple months ago and have been anxiously awaiting reading it since then. "Reading" it is just such a pleasure. There is not a lot of text, but what is there is meaningful. Anita Kaushal is a designer and mother who offers ideas on how to make our "nests" both stylish and functional (i.e. livable with children).

I love many of suggestions and adhere to a few of them already--she suggests putting pieces that you love around, rather than stowing them on a shelf somewhere to be viewed by others. Some things get broken, yes, but most of it is not beyond repair. Many of the rooms she spotlights are very modern--this is an aesthetic that I once loved and am ow moving away from in favor of warmer, homier looks. She also suggests keeping a lot of photographs around to remind us of our past and our future. For me, though, too many photographs (large ones, especially) feels indulgent somehow. I always enjoy looking at pictures in homes of others, but in my own home, I prefer fewer of them.

The Family at Home is probably not a book that I will go back to again and again. Much of the material is not new to be, but the photography is stunning and it has been fun to spend my nights imagining my own family living.loving.laughing within the walls she pictures.

January 19

Meet Bwack Bwack and Chickadee

These two were crocheted by my Aunt Donna for N's fourth birthday. She opened the present and, as if she had known them her whole life, said, "Oh, it's Bwack Bwack and Chickadee." And so these are the two latest in our cast of characters...

***

We just closed on a new (very old) house on Friday so we are officially homeowners again after renting (and moving twice) for a year and a half. There are so many things that I am looking forward to about owning a home; I want to garden, I want compost, I want to have chickens, and mostly I just want to make the house ours in ways that I have not since we have been renters. Not that I couldn't have done it in our rentals, I just didn't. I packed, I unpacked, I broke down, I built up again, I had a baby, and I didn't hang up pictures.

Because the house we bought needs work, we have a real chance to make it ours. Over the course of the next two months, we are going to be working on all parts of the house--the kitchen, the floors, the walls, the yard. It all needs work, so why is it that I can only think of plans for my craft room?!

I am looking forward to a house full (or largely empty, rather) of sweet handmades like Bwack Bwack and Chickadee.

January 18: Monday Cooking Challenge

Homemade Granola!

This is a totally revolutionary concept to me! I am sure that many of you have been making your granola all along. Not me. In fact, it never even really occurred to me that you could. I don't know why. In fact, a friend once asked me if I made my own and I remember thinking to myself that it seemed like an insurmountable task. Each week I would trek back to Whole Foods and spend 5, sometimes 6, dollars and waste another plastic container on toasted oats?!

I got the recipe out of the latest issue of Martha Stewart Living. There is a dash of nutmeg in the ingredients which my kiddos are not to fond of but it is yummy to me. Next time I may add cinnamon instead.

January 17: Quotable Sunday

"Children feel valued when they are allowed to make their own mark and contribute to their surroundings... A child's portrait reminds us of a moment in time and can turn a dull corner into a space that makes you smile."

Anita Kaushal
The Family at Home

January 16: Creative Hearted

A good friend of mine has just put together a site for mothers and fathers to share their creative energy/endeavors online with one another. The idea is for us, those of us who are immersed in the day to day "work" of parenting, to care for ourselves in a way that involves expressing our creative energies. Hop on over to Creative Hearth and check it out.

January 15: Party Favors

One of the beautiful things about having small parties is that there is time to make the favors for all of the guests. For N's party, the kids kneaded some dough. It was a messy project so the aprons that I made for them came in handy. I used a pattern from a sewing class I took in Portland last year. Actually, the apron I made for N (which she has since outgrown) was the first thing that I ever sewed on a machine as an adult. I improvised a bit on the new and improved version for N's friends and the result was imperfect but cute. Now on to H's party...

January 14

This is the way the kids looked and I felt today. Ugh.

January 13: Wednesday Reviews

After taking a few years off from reading my own books, I am diving in again. I reentered the book world last year with Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth and what a reentry that was! Before starting the book, I had settled on a group of nurse practitioner midwives that delivered babies out of a beautiful hospital in Portland. By the time I finished the book, I was going to have a homebirth in New Jersey.
I distinctly remember finishing the book as I was crossing back over the country on an airplane after a weekend spent house hunting in New Jersey. When I got home, I explained to my husband that I had become quite serious about having our third baby at home. The book convinced me to actually think about the way I wanted our child to come into the world, something I didn't really do for the others (sadly). I love her list of questions at the end of the book and used them in interviewing the midwife that delivered Little C in August.

January 12

Although you see the world
Different than me
Sometimes I can touch upon
The wonders that you see

And all the new colours
And pictures you've designed
Oh yes sweet darlin'
So glad you are a chi-ild of mine
Child of mine, chi-ild of mine
Oh yes sweet darlin'
So glad you are a chi-ild o-of mine

You don't need directions
You know which way to go
And I don't wanna hold you back
I just wanna watch you grow

Child of Mine
{Carole King}
________________________________________________________

Happy Fourth Birthday (one day late) to you, my child.
How I love you.

January 11: Monday Cooking Challenge

So, I really REALLY don't like eating fish. I know I am supposed to eat it- low in fat, high in Omega 3s, blah, blah, blah, but I just. don't. like. it. I didn't eat fish growing up so I never got accustomed to the smell or texture of it. My husband, however, loves it so I go through periods where I try to find ways to cook fish that won't make me want to hurl. I even set goals sometimes--fish twice weekly, for example. But then I give up and go back to our carnivorous ways because, again, I just don't like fish.

Sadly, the salmon dish I cooked up for the challenge didn't change my mind. I used Dr. Bruce's Awesome Grilled Salmon recipe from Feeding the Whole Family. I marinated the salmon for an hour in a soy, ginger, garlic concoction (trying to drown out the flavor, of course) and then grilled it for about ten minutes.

The end result was enjoyed by everyone but the cook...

Come join Once Upon a Parent, Musings on the Simple Life, Young Ones, Whirliegig, Chickens Counting and Earth Mama for the Monday Cooking Challenge.

January 10: Quotable Sunday

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

{Robert Frost}

January 9

Birthday Preparations are underway. I spent the day yesterday working on N's birthday crown. There were many MANY requests for details on the crown--a felt horse, some flowers, a baby chick, etc... I was pretty worried that the final product would disappoint because it was clearly not going to live up to all of the recipient's demands. Initially, it was not well-received--she had too many people expecting her to love it standing around. So I quietly put it on an out of the way table. Sure enough, the soon to be birthday girl appeared wearing it and she has had it on since then.

I used 100% wool felt from A Child's Dream Come True and a pattern from The Creative Family to make it. I am an embroidery novice so the flowers came out looking a little more like stars, but she seems to like them. Finally, I covered the elastic with some leftover Christmas ribbon. One birthday project down, too many more to go.

January 8

C's First Doll

purchased here.

January 7 (on January 8)

The Genius of Meal Planning: How it is changing my life and my bank account

Before having our third child, C, I made almost seven trips to the grocery store each week. In the morning, I would put H and N in the car, get my morning coffee at Starbucks and let them wander around Whole Foods with me foraging for our dinner. Each of these trips would cost about 30 dollars. Additionally, I would make a weekend trip to the grocery for weekly items like milk, cheese, and lunch meat.

After C was born, suddenly these morning trips lacked their luster. I was forced to do some thinking ahead of time about what my family would eat and when we would eat it. Now, each Sunday I plan our meals for the upcoming week and make a list of all ingredients that we need as I am planning. In one of her books, Ina Garten suggests dividing your grocery list up into categories for more efficient shopping. I found this extremely helpful since I am NOT an organized thinker. Instead of going to the dry foods section every time one comes up on my list, I make one trip there. This sounds elementary to most, but it was indeed revolutionary to me.

Meal planning, aside from saving me several trips to the grocery store, has had some unintended, but desirable, consequences for us. First of all, it is saving us a tremendous amount of money. I am not quite sure why this is happening, but it is. Sure, I pick up far fewer impulse buys, but this does not account for the hundreds of dollars it is saving us. It could be because we are actually using all of the food that we buy and not buying more than we need--which leads me to the next desirable consequence. We are throwing away far less unused food. Gone are the days of the wilted vegetable browning at the back of the vegetable drawer. Additionally, I have found ways to better use the food that we do have--I make chicken stock, for example, out of chicken bones rather than buy it.

There are many Sundays that I just don't want to write out the plan~I am too tired, too sad, too_______, but I know that the quality of my week will be dramatically different if I don't. So I do.

January 6: Wednesday Reviews

In an effort to bring a little rhythym into my blogging life, I am going to be doing some regular posts throughout the month of January. Once Upon A Parent and I are going to cook up a new recipe each week and post about it on Mondays. She already has one going over there. Yummm. I will start next week.

Wednesdays are for book reviews. Most of my posts will likely cover parenting or children's books because those two categories cover nearly everything that I read these days, but I thought I would start with one that I just finished: The Happiness Trap.

My therapist recommended this book to me about a year ago. I bought it immediately and it sat on my shelf for over 10 months as I suffered through the most powerful, most potent depression of my life. It is a self-help book and, in general, I have thought those silly, somewhat frivolous. The cover scared me even more. I should not have been scared.

The book is well written and easy to read. The author is and Acceptance and Commitent therapist, a practice based on mindfulness. The author suggests ways to breathe into your emotion, ways to defuse negative thoughts. He helps you clarify your life values and set goals that are attainable. It has taken me nearly a month to finish this book because there was a lot of thinking that had to be done along the way, a lot of good work. A lot more of that good work ahead of me.

For now, I am thankful for some ideas.

January 5 {Handmade} Hand Me Down

The first sweater I made (that the recipient could actually wear) was for H a couple of summers ago. I knit out of Blue Sky Alpaca Dyed Cotton (and posted about it here). That sweater hung on the back of Harvey's bedroom door for months, and the cool Portland summer kept it alive for longer than I had ever thought.

Now that very same sweater is on our youngest (who is significantly younger than H was when we wore it). I can feel the dampness, the fecundity of Portland in its fabric. Funny how homemade clothes can transport you back to another time and place. Alas, this third baby is so large that it won't be on him for long. Little C is writing still more of the history of this little sweater.

January 4

I was waiting for a good shot of my last knitting project, N's shawl, to post about it, but alas that shot never came. This daughter of mine has very specific ideas of what sorts of garments that she wants to put on her body. The shawl had to be pink and it had to have a hood.

I settled on Knitting Pure and Simple's Children's Poncho and knit it out of some handspun cotton that I found at our local yarn store. The end product is possibly, no definitely, the most beautiful thing I have ever made. Because I made it in December around our Christmas tree, little bits on tinsel, shimmery silver threads, are knit right into the fabric.

It sparkles just like the little girl who wears it.

January 3

I have been a (inconsistent) cloth diaperer for about 2 and a half years now. When H was 6 months old, I got infected with the cloth diapering obsession. I spent much internet time here. I tried many, many diapers and then finally settled (for a short while) on the Bumgenius All-In-Ones. They were relatively easy, poops literally would fall right off of them into the toilet and they were pretty darn cute as well.
The plot thickens here... Every time H peed, the diapers stank. Not like pee though. Or #2. Like ammonia and body fluid. And I could not make it go away. I tried different detergents, I tried stripping the diapers, I tried hot water, I tried cold water. Still. stinky. So I moved on to gdiapers. These were also cute, but very expensive and quite cumbersome. I might have stuck with these had it not been for my husband's very VERY loud protests each time he changed one child or another. We moved on to Seventh Generation and stuck with those until the birth of C.

I knew I wanted to give cloth another chance with him. I also knew that in order for these diapers to work for us, they had to be easy to use. For us this meant good, old fashioned Chinese prefolds (like the kinds our mothers used) and a plastic wrap (or wool diaper cover) around them. No pins, no snaps, no other inserts. I love them. I love having organic cotton so close to C's body, I love the cost, I love the sustainability. And there's no stink! I am not sure if this is because we are using a front loading washing machine now or if it is because the prefolds are all-natural fibers (Bumgenius are made of synthetics). Funny how the system that actually worked for us was the simplest and least expensive.
I knit the diaper cover on C here with Malabrigo out of this pattern.

January 2

More for 2010:

{keep trying 1-2 new recipes a week}
{work on positive discipline without timeouts and threats}
{reuse my Starbucks cups}
{sew clothes for the kids}
{slow down}
{breathe more}
{take a moment at the end of the day for gratefulness}
{pay attention to myself}
{think before I speak, breathe}
{keep on working on me}
{get stronger}
{carry on}
{be me}
{respond}
{set limits}{don't hide behind them}
{be present}
{give up control}
{love.love.love. be guided by it}

January 1

in 2010, I want to
{stay connected with friends}
{knit something for myself}
{finish that sweater for Brian}
{take a photography class}
{meditate}
{continue meal planning}
{eat more veggies}
{eat less at night and more during the day}
{breathe}
{be authentic, always, despite the consequences}
{garden}
{blog more}
{run}
{stay put}
{drink more water}
{go camping with the kids}
{go to a fiber festival}
{spend time in upstate NY}
{and again, stay connected}
{look presentable}
{entertain}